Chilli the chihuahua isn’t just Yasmin El-Saie’s pet — she’s also her best friend and lifelong companion. El-Saie, a holistic dog anxiety practitioner, tells Yahoo Life that she won’t go to cafes, bars or shops where Chilli is not welcome. The pair have developed a unique way of communicating with each other, she adds, “telling each other what we would like to do or have, making sure we are both OK and sharing important news.” El-Saie has even split with partners Chilli didn’t approve of because she “trusts his judgment.”
El-Saie isn’t alone: The United States is a pet-friendly place, with 59.8 million households sharing their home with a dog and 42.2 million have one or more cats, according to the American Veterinary Medical Association. The bond between people and their pets runs deep — especially for dog owners, 46% of whom say they consider their pup a “best friend,” per recent YouGov polling. (This sentiment is less common among cat owners, with only 27% on bestie terms with their cat. But 43% do see themselves as a companion to their cat, and 41% consider their cat a friend.)
El-Saie knows that human relationships are “more complex” than the bond she shares with Chilli; people, after all, have the benefit of being able to communicate verbally. Still, she says she and Chilli have something many human relationships don’t, which is unconditional love. Their close connection has caused her to “raise the bar” when it comes to the types of relationships she accepts.
Clearly, people adore their pets. But while many people may call Fido a friend, can a dog — or any kind of pet — fulfill their friendship needs? Here’s what experts say.
How pets can provide friendship
Research shows there’s a good reason to prioritize friendships: Having friends can boost our self-esteem, ward off loneliness and feelings of anxiety or depression and is key to longevity.
When you think of what makes an ideal friend, you probably picture someone you both like and trust, can share your feelings with and enjoy spending time around. For many people, a beloved pet fits the bill.
Melissa Legere, a marriage and family therapist at California Behavioral Health, tells Yahoo Life that pets can fulfill someone’s emotional and social needs by providing them with “companionship, comfort and a sense of responsibility.” Pets, she adds, can “offer unconditional love” — or, at least, we may interpret their actions that way.
Different types of pets can provide emotional support, Legere says: Watching a pet fish, for example, may be “calming and therapeutic.” Dogs are unique because they are “more interactive” with their owners and can offer “social support through physical affection, play and even being a partner in outdoor activities.” This can be especially beneficial for those who may feel isolated or lonely, Legere notes.
This is important, Gabrielle Wanchek, a therapist with Mindpath Health, tells Yahoo Life, given that we live in a world in which we are “increasingly inside in our homes,” spending big blocks of time on the internet. Pets, she says, can “help provide connection to something living and tangible but also require us to have a level of presence as they look to us for their care.”
Joe Vaccaro, a regional executive director at Newport Healthcare, tells Yahoo Life that pets may be particularly helpful with creating bonds with other people, too, as they can act as conversation starters or “social bridges.” Just like your friendliest human pal may help strike up a conversation with a stranger and bring you into the fold, so too can your pet. Someone might approach you to say hi to your dog while out on a walk, or you might meet a fellow dog owner at the local dog park and set up a pup playdate.
Why your pet shouldn’t be your only friend
Pets are great companions, but there are things they simply can’t do — like, say, “engage in deep conversations or offer complex emotional support,” says Dr. Michael Kane, chief medical officer at Indiana Center for Recovery. “For example, if you’re going through a life transition or facing emotional challenges, talking things through with a supportive friend … offers a level of understanding and feedback that a pet simply can’t provide.”
Megan Mueller, an associate professor of human-animal interaction at the Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts University and director of the school’s Pets and Well-Being Lab, tells Yahoo Life that while pets can “contribute to a strong social network, they are not a ‘silver bullet’ that solves all our problems.” In fact, spending too much time with our pets can itself cause issues.
People who only spend time with their pets, Mueller says, may “develop an ‘anxious attachment’” to their furry friend, which means they become overly dependent on their pet for emotional support and fear separation. This can lead to “excessive caregiving and stress within that relationship,” she says.
And the more time we spend with our pets, the more likely we are to treat them like humans — which they are not and shouldn’t be expected to behave as such. Philip Tedeschi, a human-animal connection expert with Rover, tells Yahoo Life that anthropomorphism — assigning human traits to animals — can in extreme circumstances have harmful consequences. For example, you may assume that your dog is “getting even with you” by soiling the rug when you were out for the day, which can lead to inappropriate punishments. Or you might stress out about how your dog feels about you.
The bottom line
There are a lot of benefits to owning a pet. A 2023 American Psychological Association poll found that 86% of respondents said their pets have a mostly positive impact on their well-being, and 69% said their pets help reduce stress and anxiety. But they also require a lot of care, which can be stress-inducing in its own right. As Mueller notes, they’re not a magical cure for loneliness or a replacement for human companionship. Cherish the time you spend with your dog or cat — but don’t use them as an excuse to miss out on opportunities to connect with friends who won’t chew up your favorite running shoes.
